The Liberating Lie You’ve Been Sold: Why Holding That Grudge Isn’t Protecting You—It’s Poisoning You

Shae Limtiaco
Apr 13
3 min read

Let’s talk about your anger.

Not the flash-in-the-pan kind. Not the righteous flare-up that fades when the injustice is made right.

No, let’s talk about the grudge you’ve been nursing. The one you cradle like a wounded thing, whispering to yourself:

This is my armor. This is my power. This is what keeps me safe.

I get it. Someone hurt you. Maybe they betrayed you, abandoned you, gaslit you. Maybe they still don’t get it, still haven’t apologized, still don’t deserve your forgiveness.

And now there are voices—podcasts, influencers, even well-meaning friends—telling you that your bitterness is justified. That your resentment is strength. That letting go is weakness.

But what if they’re wrong?

What if your grudge isn’t a shield—it’s a slow-acting poison, seeping into your brain, your body, your future?

Let me show you why.

The Science Your Grudge Doesn’t Want You to Know

Your brain is not a courtroom. It doesn’t care who’s right. It only knows stress—and when you replay that betrayal, that abandonment, that injustice, your body reacts as if it’s happening all over again.

Your amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) grows hyperactive, keeping you locked in fight-or-flight.
Your cortisol (the stress hormone) stays elevated, eroding your immune system, disrupting your sleep, accelerating aging.
Your neural pathways rewire themselves for bitterness, making joy harder to access and distrust your default setting.

This isn’t strength. It’s biological self-sabotage.And here’s the cruel irony: the person who hurt you isn’t suffering. You are.

The Subconscious Trap: How Your Grudge Runs the Show

You think you’re in control of your resentment. But what if it’s controlling you?

That flinch when someone raises their voice?
That tension in your chest when you remember their face?
The way you brace for betrayal in new relationships?

Those aren’t choices. They’re subconscious programs—scripts written by pain and rehearsed until they feel like truth.

Grudges don’t protect you.

They haunt you.

And the worst part? The more you feed them, the more they demand.

The Truth About “Healthy Anger”

I know what you’ve heard—that anger is fuel. That grudges keep you sharp. That forgiveness is surrender.But here’s what they won’t tell you:

Real strength isn’t clinging to pain. It’s refusing to let pain cling to you.

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing them. It’s about freeing yourself.

It doesn’t mean reconciliation. (You can wish someone well from a galaxy away.)
It doesn’t mean forgetting. (Boundaries are sacred.)
It means looking at that wound and finally saying: "You don’t get to live here anymore."

The Way Out (That Doesn’t Require “Letting Them Off the Hook”)

This isn’t about spiritual bypassing or forced positivity. This is neural rewiring.

Acknowledge the Hurt – Not to dwell, but to release. Write a letter. Burn it. Scream into a pillow. Give the pain a funeral.
Reclaim Your Nervous System – Somatic exercises, breathwork, even hypnotherapy can discharge stored rage you didn’t know you were carrying.
Rewrite the Story – Instead of "They destroyed me," try "They revealed my capacity to survive."

And if that feels impossible? Good. That means your healing hasn’t been shallow.

A Challenge (From One Former Grudge-Holder to Another)

For one week, experiment with this thought:

"What if my anger isn’t protecting me? What if it’s just familiar?"

Notice:

Where in your body you carry the resentment.
How often your mind replays old wounds when you’re not looking.
What else you could focus on if that mental real estate wasn’t occupied by bitterness.

You don’t have to “forgive” today. You don’t have to pretend it didn’t hurt.

Just consider the cost.

And if you’re ready to go deeper?

This is just the beginning.

P.S. If this resonated—if you felt that twinge of "But what if they’re right?"—then this series is for you. Share this with someone who needs it.

And if you’re ready to explore subconscious rewiring, [book a session here]. No pressure. No preaching. Just a lifeline, when you’re ready to take it.